Do you find yourself struggling with self-confidence? You're not alone. It's a common challenge for many people. For a lot of people, it remains this elusive, intangible asset that is just out of reach.

When you search for information on increasing self confidence you might get a check list that includes:

• Identify your strengths
• Set achievable goals
• Face your fears
• Practice self-care

But here is a different take on self-confidence. Confidence isn't something you can buy or acquire from someone or somewhere else, it comes from within.

You might think that your external circumstances or the actions of others dictate how you feel, which is putting our emotions at the mercy of our circumstances or to other people and what they're doing or not doing that is determining how we feel, that life outside ourselves is in control on if we have any self-confidence.

But the truth is that it's your thoughts that drive your emotions. And often, these thoughts are on autopilot - meaning you may not even be aware of them or the impact they have on your confidence.

The good news is that becoming aware of your thought patterns is the first step in taking control of your confidence. Start by writing down all the thoughts you have about yourself in any situation, even the ones that seem innocent or factual. Then, imagine someone else saying those same things to you - how would you feel? Probably not great, right? But the reality is that you're the one saying them to yourself, and you wonder why you don't have self-confidence.

Remember, self-loathing only leads to a cycle of low confidence and feelings of unworthiness. We think that hating on ourselves will make us pick our socks up and do it better next time but what it's really doing is depleting our own self confidence even more which makes us feel like we don't matter, or what's the point….and then we're even more compelled to do the thing we're so disappointed in ourselves with because it's the only part in our day that provides us with a sense of pleasure or relief from having to feel the pain.

To truly nurture your confidence, you need to consciously choose to think positively about yourself and make it a consistent habit. Be your own cheerleader and celebrate your wins, even small ones. And when you don't live up to your own expectations, be kind to yourself instead of beating yourself up.

So start taking control of your inner dialogue and watch your confidence grow from the inside out.

Listen to the podcast – Episode 3 – Self Confidence